The Breakup… What Just Happened?
Author: +Freddie Cook
So, why did your breakup happen? What caused your relationship to deteriorate to such an extent that a breakup seemed the only possible solution to, at least, one of you?
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The breakup advice to help you reconnect with your ex is all about discovering the root cause of your relationship breakup, finding a solution that will fix the problem and then using some well tried and trusted methods, a system, to get you back together with your ex.
To this end, it may help you to pinpoint what the exact reason for your breakup was if you understand a bit more about relationship problems and how they come about. Don’t skip this bit because identifying your problems usually turn out to be symptoms rather than causes.
In other words, things like fighting and arguing constantly are not the reason for your breakup, there is something more fundamental that needs fixing in your relationship that caused the frequent arguments and subsequent split.
For the most part, relationships come about because of egos. Someone makes you feel good about yourself and in turn you make them feel good about themselves and so a relationship begins. It may seem a bit basic, but fundamentally that’s what happens. If you continue to feed each other’s egos you’ll continue to have a good relationship together. If you destroy each other’s egos, your relationship is doomed. Egos make or break a relationship, so egos can be the key to help you reconnect with your ex.
Very often, this is where things break down. Just as an example, I know a married couple, with two children, who reached the stage of staying married just for the sake of their kids, and it’s how this came about that’s of interest. The breakup advice that saved their marriage started with finding the fundamental cause behind their problems and fixing it, this allowed them to reconnect in a more meaningful way.
Nothing big happened to cause their love to disappear, for instance, neither of them was ever unfaithful. The kids were well behaved and didn’t cause them any real problems. From the outside they appeared like a loving stable family with few problems. They didn’t even seem to have money worries on the surface.
So what happened?
Well, they were both guilty of committing ‘harmless’ offenses against each other. Little things that they both regarded as insignificant. She would buy expensive clothes and accessories but keep the true cost from him. Of course he suspected that all those bargains weren’t entirely true, especially as she slipped up occasionally and he discovered the truth without having to search for it. And, of course, he would say it didn’t matter, it was something she really wanted and he liked her looking good anyway.
So, Who’s Fault Was It?
They were both at fault here, by trying to ‘con’ him, he felt that she didn’t trust him with the truth, that she respected him less than she used to. He compounded this by ‘giving in’ instead of confronting the issue, and ended up respecting himself less because of it. And, naturally, she new that it really did matter to him, that he lied saying it didn’t matter.
From her point of view, she actually did respect him less, from two different angles. The first one was that she had managed to ‘con’ him on many occasions that he hadn’t known about for certain. The second was that he either, didn’t trust her with the truth by not letting her know his true feelings, or he was too weak to confront her about it.
Obviously, if this was all that had happened then their relationship may not be quite as strong as it was previously, but it wouldn’t be at breaking point either. The point is, something that seems so small and harmless can lessen a relationship, even if only by a small amount.
But it didn’t stop there. Now that he no longer trusted her as far as money goes, he began questioning all her purchases, sometimes directly, but most often just in his head. But even when not spoken, she would somehow pick up on this distrust. She felt he no longer respected her as much as he used to, and she was right. Their situation was beginning to snowball, their relationship was on a downward spiral. They both felt they were growing apart and neither of them felt they had any control over their situation. Both of their egos were getting bruised.
Time Doesn’t Always Heal…
All this happened over several years, it wasn’t a sudden thing, if it was they would most likely have understood where it was all coming from and fixed it themselves, but they didn’t. It was a slow corrosion, and it was their love and closeness that was corroding away.
They both ended up fighting for control, not over each other, but control over what was happening to them. The problem was they didn’t realize the real cause behind it all so they grappled with the problems from different perspectives and in an uncoordinated fashion. They ended up working against each other and making things worse.
Small arguments became distorted and, instead of lasting five minutes or so, they lasted days. They hid all this from their children by acting as if nothing was wrong when any of them were present, which meant they were confined to arguing at the very times they used to use for more quality moments. The intimacy in their relationship almost disappeared entirely. Neither of them felt desired any more. Another blow to their egos.
The whole point of this is to make you really think about the cause of your breakup because it’s not often very obvious. The better you can pinpoint the problem, the easier it will be to fix your relationship and get things back on track.
Breakup Advice and Help
If you have difficulty managing to figure out the exact cause of your breakup, don’t give up. There are professionals on hand that are experienced in getting to the root cause of relationship problems. Marriage counselors are experts on relationship problems and they’re there to help you, not only discover why you’re going through, or contemplating, a breakup, but also to give you breakup advice to get you both back on track again and reconnect with your ex.
Relationship breakups are nothing new, they’ve been happening all the time down through the ages. Relationships, and not just breakups, have been studied for just as long. You’ll find it very difficult to come up with a reason for your breakup that they haven’t come across before.
Not every relationship breakup manages to get reversed. Some simply go about getting their ex back the wrong way. Others just aren’t meant to be fixed. But in spite of everything, many relationship breakups do get rescued, even from problems like affairs.
So don’t give up, it may not be easy depending on your own circumstances and how you go about getting your ex back, but with the breakup advice to help you reconnect with your ex that you need, you’ll be able to succeed… click here and make a positive change to your life.