A Friend? A lover? Or… something else?
Author: +Freddie Cook
An ex… UP-graded to… friend?
Hmmm… what’s that all about?
You’ll find the reasons your ex wants to remain friends listed below with a short explanation for each possible reason, hopefully one of them will ring true and give you the answer you’re looking for… but first… a little bit about being friends with your ex that you really should consider…
As appealing as staying friends with your ex might be, the ‘friendship zone’ is something to avoid when you really desire a more romantic relationship. If you’re trying to get back together again, then being friends with your ex is NOT the way to go about it.
A far better way is to use the right techniques and avoid the friendship zone altogether or… if you’re already in it… discover how to get out of it… you can do that here…
Yes, friends are very important to everyone. A true friend is someone to share the good times with, and someone who will support you during the bad times.
We need friends in our lives.
Your partner, as well as being your lover, is, more than likely, the person you share everything with. Not just your leisure time, but also your fears, worries, hopes and plans. They can be your best friend… until you breakup.
Once you’ve made the split, it sometimes seems natural to try and remain friends with your ex… But not always. And sometimes the reason your ex wants to remain friends isn’t what you’d think. The rest of this post should be a real eye-opener for you…
So… “Why does my ex want to be friends?”…
Maybe They Miss You…
For some people, there are two distinct relationships going on at the same time. They don’t want to lose their friend as well as their lover.
While there are couples that can cope with, or even thrive on, a breakup becoming just a friendship, it’s a fairly rare occurrence.Sometimes it’s great when an ex wants to be friends, but mostly it’s not.
If you’re the one that initiated the breakup, then staying friends can be courting trouble. Your ex will never get the chance to be fully over the relationship.
There is a good chance that they will always be looking for some kind of reconciliation. If you think about it, this is very selfish, and cruel, behavior on your part.
If you’re the one that was dumped, then unless you are of the same mind as your ex, and really agree that the romantic part of the relationship is over, you are setting yourself up for a long and painful ‘friendship’.
Normally, after a breakup, you will either want nothing to do with your ex anymore — or — you will want to be much more than just friends with your ex…
…How you handle that is very important…
As appealing as staying friends might appear, be careful!
As you will see, their reason may not be as innocent as you think…
So let’s consider why anyone would want to remain friends after a romantic relationship breakup.
Usually the one who gets dumped resents, possibly even hates, their ex — or — still has strong feelings for them.
Neither of these options should make you want to be friends with your ex.
The first one is pointless. The second one would hurt you even more than you’re hurting now, and leave you wide open to being used.
Usually the dumper has made their decision to breakup for one of 4 reasons.
1) They have found someone else that they prefer over you.
2) They have found something to dislike about you that they find hard to get past.
4) They are bored with you.
Yes, we know there are loads of reasons to breakup with someone, but if you break them down you can usually fit them into one of the above four reasons. For instance, you had an affair — that would fit nicely into number 2.
Knowing that, why would you want to remain friends with them after the breakup?
Does your ex still care for you?
Your ex may want to be friends because they, wrongly, think it will be a kinder way to breakup with you. They are genuinely thinking of your feelings and trying to soften the blow. But they’ve failed to really consider how that would affect you.
They feel guilty and are trying to make themselves feel better. Sure, they still have enough feelings for you to care, but it’s really themselves they are thinking of.
Is your ex simply playing games?
Your ex simply wants to be confident that you don’t make waves in the future.
If your relationship has lasted any length then you probably know each other’s family, in any case you probably have mutual friends. You most likely all hang out at the same places.
This all means that you could make it awkward for your ex. By staying friends your ex can get on with their life without fear of any scenes in public.
Is your ex hedging their bets and stringing you along?
Perhaps your ex wants the best of both worlds. They want to play the field with the knowledge that you’re waiting on the sidelines. They are just keeping you available. The chances of them reconciling are extremely slim, but they are willing to keep you hanging around ‘just in case’.
It could also be just an ego trip, they want to show they can still have an affect on you.
It’s also possible your ex is still in love with you, they see ‘being friends’ as a stepping stone to getting back together with you. If this is what you want, that’s fine. But, if you’ve already moved on, then it would be unfair to give your ex ‘hope’.
There’s another possibility, this next one is kind of evil but thankfully it’s not very common. Sometimes an ex wants to remain friends for purely selfish reasons, they want to keep tabs on you.
It’s not out of any concern for you or your feelings. It’s because they don’t want to appear stupid to their friends.
How would they look if you ended up happier than they did? Maybe you found someone significant before they managed to. Perhaps you just take to the ‘single life’ a whole lot better than they do.
Whatever happens, they have ensured that they will still be around close enough to spoil things if need be.
And the last reason? Well, your ex is just spiteful and pretending to be friends in order to gain some kind of revenge at some stage.
So, your question, “Why does my ex want to be friends?” …Does it really matter?
What’s The Next Step?
As you can see, when an ex wants to be friends it is rarely a good idea.
Just bear in mind that you can both remain amicable without having to be friends, it’s not a requirement. There is no good reason for your ex to pressure you into being a friend.
We hope this has helped answer your question, “why does my ex want to be friends?”
BUT… if you really do want more than just a friendship…
Then getting your ex back isn’t about waiting for THEM to make the decision… turn the psychology to your advantage and take control – do you want a second chance with your ex? Find out how to get your ex girlfriend back… or how to get your ex boyfriend back, just click on either one of those links and put the wheels in motion…